Laura Is Not A Puddle Or Shallow Like One

I'm kind of on a writing kick right now. I've deleted Alex from my Myspace. Partly out of respect to Todd.. because I know how I would feel if he had an ex he thought he was going to marry on HIS Myspace and also out of respect to myself. I erased him several weeks ago but I didn't have the courage to tell him why I erased him. Learning what it feels like to have real love outside of my family for the first time, I can say that I have found courage. I erased Alex initially because I don't want to be friends with people who are mean to me. He may not be actively mean to me at the present moment, but I am not interested in being friends with a man who told me to "fuck off, asshole" simply because he wanted to start a new relationship. I mean, how insane is that!? The ends justifying the means. I took Alex off of my myspace because he is not my friend. I took Alex off of my Myspace to show him that you cannot treat someone any way you want and still expect them to want to be your friend. I'm tired of this new-age bullshit that says you have to be friends with your ex. I don't WANT to be friends with a man who treated me like crap, okay!? I don't care if I shared part of my life with him. He has no place in my life... especially now when I'm experiencing mutual respect, trust and love for the first time. I don't wish Alex ill or anything... but the reasons I don't want to be friends with him are the same reasons why things didn't work out between us romantically. I'm just so tired of bullshit and being friends with Alex would be just that... bullshit... because I don't WANT to be his friend. Also, to be honest with you, I'm not interested in being friends with people I share very little in common with. I like my relationships to be bonded and close and I find it hard to be bonded and close with those I share nothing with. The only thing Alex and I have in common is that we used to date. That's not enough to build a friendship on. I'm sorry that I'm rambling on. I'm just tired of being bullied by what society feeds me.

"Be friends with your ex"
"Act like nothing ever happened, even though the person hurt you like you've never been hurt before"
"Be shallow"
"Accept apologies even if the acception of said apology is not deserved"

Would he expect me to want to be friends with him if he had hit me? Emotional bullshit is no different than physical abuse... in many ways, it's more damaging. I'm just not in the business of being friends with him to ease his conscience. I am not that shallow.

Again, something I've been wanting to say for a long time...

Love to all.